The Dilemma of the Single Black Woman

I was asked on my formspring: It seems that the plight of the single black woman has become the cause of the week in many circles. What is your solution to this dilemma?

Well, it does indeed seem that as of late, everyone from Steve Harvey to CNN wants to chime in on the “plight” that is single Black women and what Black women are doing wrong that is causing them to not be in long term relationships.

I don’t think it is a dilemma. I think the real dilemma is that people are studying this “topic” at all. Where are the articles on single white women? Single Asian women?... You don’t see them. It seems to me as if Black women are being singled out (pun intended) as the only race of women with problems getting into relationship. As a married Black woman, with friends of different races, I can tell you that not all Black women have a problem finding mates, and women of all colors and races have problems finding mates.

I wonder why so many people choose to focus on the topic. And none of the “advice” being given by the people speaking on the issue is very helpful at all. It usually hovers somewhere around Black women being too strong or forceful with men.
What do I think Black women should do to not be single?

First, it must be acknowledged that all Black women (or women in general) do not WANT to be in a relationship and that should be taken into consideration. But, if you are a single Black woman or a single purple woman, or a single green woman, who wants a relationship and is having trouble I suggest:

1. Putting yourself out there to meet new people. You are likely to not meet someone for the potential of a relationship if you only ever travel between your house and work.

2. Don’t listen to most advice. Be YOURSELF when with a guy of interest because YOU are who the person will inevitably be in a relationship with and if you are following magazine rules to get a guy, you’ll either have to keep being a puppet of that magazine to keep him, or lose his interest when he finds you to be someone completely different than the person you were putting on to be.

3. Allow flexibility in your expectations/standards. I’m not saying don’t have any, but don’t let something stupid like promising yourself never to date a guy who wears argyle socks keep you from the man that you could have a meaningful relationship with.

Did you like this post? Share it, tweet it, facebook it, all that good stuff :-D