The Craziest Flight I've Ever Taken

I recently went on a girls trip to San Diego and Mexico. I've never had any strange flights before, just the things you'd expect, crying babies, or a bit of turbulence. But this flight definitely goes down as the strangest I've ever had.

I settle in for my 6 hour flight from Philly to San Diego. I’m in the window seat and there is a couple in the row with me, the Woman in the middle seat, and the Man on the aisle. Quite quickly into the flight the couple begins to argue. From what I can gather the Man has just accepted a job that would take him away from home five days a week. The Woman is upset and says that “with everything that’s happening right now" she can’t trust him to be away that long. I can’t tell if it’s other women or drugs or gambling that she’s worried about, but from the conversation that they keep having OVER and OVER he’s done something recently to lose her trust.

Things calm down for a bit. I think I can now actually concentrate on my reading and script memorization. And then they start drinking. Once they were three Tito’s and Sodas in I decide to hit the call button for my own cocktail. When I did, the Woman coopts my call and says she’s buying Tito’s for the whole row. Cool. I’m with it. Save my $9. She acknowledges they’ve been bad seat mates and hopes the cocktail will smooth things over.

When the stewardess goes to get our drinks, a Lady in the row in front of us turns around. I’m thinking she’s going to ask them to shut up, because they’ve been arguing and crying the whole flight. Instead she and asks, rather rudely, for the Man to stop kicking her chair. Now, I will excuse her because I could tell the Lady had been having a rough flight, her head was between her legs most of the trip thus far. The Woman interjects and says if the Lady has something to say to her boyfriend, she should address her instead. At this point Lady’s Sister, also in the row in front of us, interjects and starts arguing with Woman. Flight attendants are called, drama ensues. The flight attendants are moving my seat mates. The Woman asks if there are three seats available, as if I’m moving with them too. I put my headphones on.

While their new seating arrangements are being made my soon to be former seat mate is calling the ladies in front of us cunts, saying they must be PMSing, etc. I have my headphone on but I’m listening to nothing. I'm trying to stay alert in case someone starts throwing punches and I have to shield myself.

While I’m pretending to watch Season 2 of Friends from College, I notice a cloud of smoke bellow in my peripheral vision. This Woman is smoking and e-cig on the plane in her seat right next to me. No one else seems to notice.

Around this same time period the Woman realizes that she’s missing a Tito’s. I have mine, her boyfriend has his, but hers is no where to be found. She’d either drank it already or they forgot to give it to her. Either is plausible with all the drama that is happening. By the time they’ve moved seats they say they are missing vodka and their cell phones. They’re also definitely Drunk.

Once they’ve been moved I have the whole row to myself. Boo yah. They’re rows ahead, arguing about missing items and how they’re gold members and will never fly this airline again. I go back to actually watching my show. contemplating how long I have to wait before ordering another Tito’s and ginger ale for myself. 

Just when I think things have calmed down I see the Woman head to the bathroom. Two minutes later I see the Man head to the same bathroom. They’re clearly up to mile high club shenanigans.

As we’re landing, I see the missing bottle of Tito’s roll by on the ground.

Fast forward to five days later. Waiting at my gate for the flight the flight back, I see them pass me and board... the plane I’m getting on. What are the chances I’ll be sitting next to them again I think? Turns out, 100% chance. I was next to them on the ride back too! They didn’t even remember me! We all slept through our red-eye flight back with no repeat drama. Thank God!

Do you have any crazy flight stories?