The Talk(s) - The Birds & The Bees (plus)

I’m an early morning stresser. Sometime between 3:30am and 5:30am after I take my morning trip to the bathroom my mind often turns on to a point that keeps me awake. It never wants to think about good things at the crack of dawn, it wants to give me worry lol 

In one of my recent early morning thinking sessions I started thinking about having to give my daughter (currently 6) “The Talk” in the not so distant future. I never had The Talk really. When I started developing my grandmother gave me a really old book about the female body and told me to read it so I knew “what would happen.” The book was so old that the portion about sanitary products still had pads that came with a belt! My mother once tried to have The Talk with me. She asked me if I knew what sex what, referencing the Salt-n-Peppa song. I told her I didn’t want to talk about it. 

As I thought about how I want to handle The Talk with my daughter I realized that at the very least The Talk would really be three distinct conversations. 1. Her body and her period, 2. Sex logistics and safety. 3. Consent and pleasure. 

I learned from Aaliyah, an 11-year-old Black girl entrepreneur (!) who has created a line of period products that it is uncomfortable to have periods directly connected with becoming pregnant when you first begin to talk and learn about menstruation. So I want to separate the conversations of sex safety and beginning her period. I also learned from Jasmine of Sex Positive Parenting that having conversations with young women about prioritizing their pleasure when they begin to have sex is important, so I want to make sure I include that in our talks. 

I also thought about how I can use these conversations to normalize being LGBTQ. Using phrases like “people with penises” or “people with vaginas” vs “men and women”, to be inclusive of trans folks when talking about how all the “parts” work together. Noting experiences between two people as being “when two partners do X” vs. “when a man and a woman do X” when talking about relationships. 

I’m already nervous about all of these talks lol. But I want my daughter to always feel like she can be comfortable talking to me about things, and I want to prepare her as best as I can. 

How have you handled or plan to handle "The Talk" with your children?